its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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