ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
