I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
