One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
