Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize