Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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