go do what you do best...puke behind churches
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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