I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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