Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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