I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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