i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
