you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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