it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
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