He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
