fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
