You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
