like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
