i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
