I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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