i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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