I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Ketchup is God's man juice
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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