What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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