I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
