Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize
