New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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