ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
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