I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
