Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
