u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Randomize
