I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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