oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
