yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
