i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
