I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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