Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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