Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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