Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
