DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
