booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
