similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Randomize