i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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