So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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