I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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