i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
