Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
