our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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