I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
