I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
