dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
