My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
