So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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