Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
