Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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