When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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