Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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