Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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