so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
