I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
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