I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
