I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
