winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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