what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
