Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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