i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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