I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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