i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
