Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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