your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize